What’s better than funny kids’ jokes? Funny kids’ jokes that parents can actually appreciate, too… or at least won’t drive them up the wall. Unless, of course, your kids are repeating them for the 900th time.
You can get your kids howling with laughter any time by keeping a few clever wisecracks up your sleeve. After all, time flies when you’re having fun. Or, if you’re a frog, time is fun when you're having flies.
Q: What do you call a monkey when you take its bananas? A: Furious George.
Q: Why are elephants so wrinkled? A: Because they take too long to iron.
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An investigator.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer.
Q: What side of a turkey has the most feathers? A: The outside.
Q: Where do sheep go on vacation? A: To the Baa-hamas.
Q: Why did the bacon laugh? A: Because the egg cracked a yolk.
Q: Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other? A: Dill with it.
Q: What did the baby corn say to its mom? A: “Where is pop corn?”
Q: What kind of nut always seems to have a cold? A: Cashew!
Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor? A: Because it wasn't peeling well.
Q: What did the frog order at the restaurant? A: French flies and a diet croak.
Q: Where does the Easter Bunny like to eat breakfast? A: IHOP.
Q: What do cows like to put on their sandwiches? A: MOOstard.
Q: What candy do you eat on the playground? A: Recess pieces.
Q: Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? A: Because she was stuffed.
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Owl’s say who?
Yes, they do!
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel.
Q: What has a face and two hands, but no arms or legs? A: A clock.
Q: What starts with a P and ends with an E and has a million letters in it? A: Post Office!
Q: What can you catch but not throw? A: A cold!
Q: Why did the math book look so sad? A: Because it had so many problems.
Q: How many books can you put into an empty backpack? A: One. After that, it's not empty.
Q: Why did the student eat his homework? A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? A: Spelling!
Q: Why did the giraffe get bad grades? A: She had her head in the clouds.
Q: Why did the teacher put on sunglasses? A: Because her students were so bright.
Q: How do all the oceans say hello to each other? A: They wave.
Q: Why don’t oysters share their pearls? A: Because they’re shell-fish.
Q: Why do sharks only swim in salt water? A: Because pepper water always makes them sneeze.
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea? A: Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
Q: How do you make an octopus laugh? A: With ten-tickles.
Q: What has four wheels and flies? A: A garbage truck.
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair? A: Because they use honeycombs.
Q: Why are A’s like flowers? A: Because bees come after them!
Q: What do you call a fly without wings? A: A walk.
Q: What do you call a snail on a ship? A: A snailor.
Q: Why wouldn’t they let the butterfly into the dance? A: Because it was a mothball.
Q: Do fish go on vacation? A: No, because they’re always in school.
Q: What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses? A: A coconut on vacation.
Q: Where do pencils go on vacation? A: Pencil-vania.
Q: What does bread do on vacation? A: Loaf around.
Q: What do ghosts like to eat in the summer? A: I Scream.
Q: What do frogs like to eat in the summer? A: Hopsicles.
Q: What’s black and white and red all over? A: A zebra with a sunburn.
Q: What do you call a snowman in July? A: A puddle.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.
Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? A: Because she will let it go.
Q: What falls in winter but never gets hurt? A: The snow.
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter? A: Because it’s too far to walk.
Q: What did one snowman say to the other? A: Can you smell carrots?
Q: What do you call an old snowman? A: Water.
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? A: Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
Q: What did the muffin say to the muffin tin? A: Nothing, muffins can't talk.
Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? A: “Robin, get in the car.”
Q: What's green, red, orange, purple, blue, and yellow? A: Colors.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall... And a pretty good spring and summer too.
Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award? A: Because he was outstanding in his field!
Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet.
Q: Why did the bicycle stand up by itself? A: It was two-tired.
Q: What do you call fake spaghetti? A: An impasta.
Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: Because it saw the salad dressing!
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
The math book looked sad.
It had too many problems.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
I'm friends with all electricians. We have good current connections.
Q: What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? A: An abdominal snowman.
Q: Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? A: To hatchet.
Q: What do you call a cat on the beach during Christmas? A: Sandy Claws.
Q: Why did the Easter egg hide? A: It was a little chicken.
Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? A: In case he got a hole-in-one.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A: A gummy bear.
Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Q: Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted? A: He was outstanding in his field.
Q: Why was the math book sad in April? A: It had too many problems to spring.
Q: What did the tree say to spring? A: What a re-leaf.
Q: Why did the flower always drive fast? A: It put the petal to the metal.
Q: How excited is the gardener about spring? A: So excited he wet his plants!